this was not the end. it's just began

hello, my e-diary :)
hell yeah, im gonna write again like i used to be ;)
sorry if i haven't wrote again since a year ago. you know, i was busy with those suck things, studying-exam-homework-studying-exam-studying-studying-studying.... it made me feel like i wanna die that time. but everything was always worth it. :)
finally, i accepted in Airlangga University. alhamdulillah.. :D

umm okay, lets skip that part.

i wanna tell you about my love sto(uck)ry. its gonna be a long long story, haha..
hmmm.. well, i broke up with my boyfriend named Ezra in 11st December 2010. i didn't know what was on his mind until he decided to let me go. you know that i loved him so much, i always tried to understand him. but why did he chose to let me go? why??
i couldn't stand with his reason. he told me that why he should hold on me while his parents couldn't do the same? i was shocked, speechless. that sounds funny, eh?
after all we've been through, he just left me without any chance to make it better. and also, with those fucking way.
i though, that was his parents' problem, we could do better, we didn't need to be like them. but i didn't want to push him. i didn't want to thrust this love. so i fulfilled what he wanted me to. i felt so terrible. it hurts me like hell. i didn't want to, but i had to. i had to leave him, let him through this world. alone.

after talked with Ezra by phone, i called my best, mas ian. with him, i can share everything without shyness. first thing i did when i called him was crying! i still could say much words. he waited me til i stopped crying and asked me to tell him how was the story. i told him everything, everything that i felt. i still cried when he was trying to calm me down. i just couldn't believe this happened to me. i couldn't face the truth that Ezra broke me up. i was crying all day long.

and... this is my foolish face. kinda stupid, ha-ha..

 

PS : mas ian asked me to take some picture of me with my node eyes. gezzzz....  haha :p

mas ian tried to cheer me up. he gave me an advice, then he told me a silly jokes. we laughed together. and i felt better :)

but what shocked me was Ezra didn't need me, anymore. 2 days after we broke up, he disappeared! we didn't make a call about 3 days. and he seemed happy without me, like nothing happened. what worse was he didn't try to call me. oh my.... it SUCKS!!
my heart fell into pieces. it feels like i couldn't do anything without him in my world. but he didn't seem to notice me. i got the point, so i realized that i really really should to MOVE ON!
i started to let him go. i tried to understand why he chose those way. that would not take a long time. and i knew I CAN....... :)

our first valday :D

* 15.o2.1o 12.37 a.m.

Hei :D
Aku tau, nii uda tengah malem, tapi aku lagi pengen nulis aja, hehe :p
Lagi males ribet pake bahasa inggris nihh. ~~v

Aku cuma pengen cerita tentang valentine day yang baru aja ak alami :D
Biz semaleman smsan sm ayah (baca : ezra), padahal besoknya ada treot di NF, aku seneng banget. Gatau kenapa, yaa mungkin karena ga pernah smsan sampe semalem itu kali yaa, hihi :p
Sms berakhir waktu ayah uda ngantuk, pengen bubug. Yauda deh, aku juga ikutan bubug :p
Bangun", uda kepikiran treot aja. Beuhh, langsung deh baca" buku biologi bentar (treotnya bio sm fis).
Kelar belajar bentar, aku langsung deh siap" buat berangkat.

Weerrr ~~

Oke, ceritanya di cepetin aja kali yaa . .
Pas treot, kan sempet ujan tuh. Aku uda khawatir aja klo ujannya ga reda.
Tp alhamdulillah, gitu uda kelar treot, uda ga ujan lg. Langsung deh tancep gas buat pulang .
Lhealaaah, gataunya, di tengah jalan ujan lagi. Sialan !
Uda ngebut", tapi tetep aja basah semua bajuku, hiks :'(
Padahal aku kan lagi pengen banget make tu kemeja :'(
Nyampe ruma, kepala uda full emosi, ngumpat" ga karuan (kebiasaan buruk, jangan ditiru teman !).
Yang bener aja, tiap kali kluar kug slalu keujanan di tengah jalan. Padahal berangkat ga ujan, nyampe ruma juga ga ujan. Gerrrr :@

Langsung deh curhat ke ayah, maramara.
Biz di tenangin ayah, uda mulai ga emosi cce, tapi betenya masi tetep ada, hehe :p
Daripada ngamug" mulu, yauda aku bubug aja.
Ga lupa ak ingetin ayah buat sms klo mau ke rumah.

Sekitar jam 2an, ayah bilang klo mau berangkat.
Walaah, padahal msi enag"nya ngebo tuh, hehe :p
Sambil nunggu dia nyampe rumaku, aku tidur aja lagi, hehe :D
Gitu ayah nyampe, aku buatin dia minum, terus aku mandi bentar.
Jam 3 qta baru berangkat. Tapi kata ayah, mampir ke rumanya dia dulu. Yauda, aku mah nurut" aja, hehe :p

Nyampe di sana, aku duduk di luar dulu .
Trus, tiba" ayah nongol nyuruh aku masuk dan taaraaaa . . !
Ada 2 cake coklat ! iwaaw :D
Aku ga nyangka ayah sampe segitunya, bela"in muter" nyari coklat cuma biar aku seneng. Hiks, makasih banget yah :')
Akhirnya, qta mam bareng deh tu cake, yang rasa mocca enag . .haha :p
Mana ayah yang nyuapin pula, hehe . .tambah seneng ga karuan aku :p
Saking senengnya, tiap di tanyain ayah, aku cuma bisa senyum" aja, hehe :p
Sambil nunggu magrib, qta becanda" kaya biasanya, ngobrolin hal yang penting banget . .wkwkwk :p
Aku seneng, bisa sampe ketawa ngakak gitu sama ayah :DD

Kelar ayah mandi sama sholat, qta langsung berangkat ke sutos.
Gatau gara" imlek atau emank lagi musim ujan, di jalan uda mulai gerimis lagi, otomatis qta langsung ngebut, biar ga keujanan gituu, hehe :p

Pas uda di sutos, qta malah muter" dulu. Si ayah nii, malah bingung mau dinner dimana. Lha aku gada rencana kok ya di tanyain, yaa jawabanku tetep sama mulu, 'gatau, terserah ayah, yg penting sama ayah, aku ga bakal kecewa kug' .
Setelah berhasil ngeyakinin ayah, akhirnya qta dinner di solaria. Tempat pertama qta dinner sebelum jadian dulu, hehe :p
Aku pesen spaghetti bolognaise sama ice green tea (pilihan ayah :D ). Trus ayah pesen chicken cheese sama blackcurrant. Tau tuh ayah, tumben ga pesen chicken mozarella, katanya sih pengen nyobain yg laen, hehe :p
Di situ qta ngobrol" lg juga. Aku seneng gituu klo liat dia ngoceh kesana kemari, haha :p
Ayah jadi kliatan ga dingin lagi, yaa ini ayah yg sebenernya, hehe :D

Trus qta kluar dari solaria, eh ada festival musik kecil gitu, aku sama ayah liat ntu bentar deh. Yaa gini inii klo smsm penggila musik, hehe :p
Pas mau jalan lagi, tiba" ayah rangkul pinggangku !
Nyeeesss, rasanya kaya naeg jetcoaster ! haha :p
Ya kaget, ya seneng, hehe :p
Ayah ga pernah gitu soalnya :D
Rasa ini ada lagi !hoho . . Setelah sekian lama aku ga pernah deg deg an lagi, ayah buat aku kaya gitu, hihi :D
Sumpa, kaya orang katro gitu, kaya baru pertama kali suka sm cowo, haha :p

Ayah :D ayah :D ayah :D . . .
Aku sayang ayah :D
Aku cinta ayah :D
Makasih yaa ayah, kamu uda buat aku seneng banget, aku bahagia malem ini :D
Ya, ayah yg uda buat aku bahagia, ayah bisa bahagiain aku :D
Ayah yg terbaik buat aku, insya allah :'D

Mav, aku terharu sm perbuatan ayah, aku ga bisa klo ga nangis :')
Cuma ayah yg bisa ngertiin aku :')
Qta berdua smsm lagi belajar buat pahami satu sama laen.
Yg perlu aku inget cuma : qta saling sayang, qta saling cinta, qta pasti bisa saling memahami, insya allah :'D

I love you, ayahku sayang :DD
I love you, ezra . . :')

* 15.o2.1o 1.2o a.m.